I've Mastered Critical Thinking

Overheard: I’ve mastered critical thinking.

Where it took me: The audacity of the statement made me laugh, but the statement itself was a good prompt for a list poem, which I’d been in the mood to write. The last one I posted here was “Everything’s Carbs,” so it felt like time for another one. This line gave me a chance to put together a list of the outrageous claims people make in an effort to prove their life is better than yours.

The poem

I've Mastered Critical Thinking

Also classical French cooking,

tai chi,

table manners,

conversational Spanish,

business Mandarin,

effortless small talk,

all the digits of pi,

the theory of relativity,

my whole-home remote,

diplomacy,

zen meditation,

motorcycle maintenance,

wine tasting,

how to make artisanal cheese,

the ukelele,

impeccable knife skills,

basic plumbing repairs,

social media,

the Rubik’s cube,

self-defense,

illusion.